negativity on frowny day

Aku bukanlah seorang yang positive dan bersikap positive sentiasa.... Malahan aku merasakan aku mempunyai terlalu banyak negative dalam diri...

Hari ini ahad, as usual I hate weekend.. yep... and I don't like weekdays either... Not that I hated myself lah kan.. i do love myself.. it is just my thought during frowny day as today lah..  I wake up late, and haven't eat a thing pon.. how could I eat now? I've thought myself to stay positive all the time so that i won't spill any negativity and everything that is not necessary to others.. In whatever situation pon.. It is hard for me since I have so little patient as nipis as kulit bawang tua and mine can  go upstairs easily and that is why i am on  medication... ^_^

I've been keeping all the temper, tantrum and negativity inside the closet for long time.. I've been putting all the bad things, thought and etc inside it.. today was different.. I felt like the closet is going to burst open.. I felt like I can't be positive today... All I could think of now is going somewhere far away.. like a lake or maybe a river... (i don't like sea).. but it's not a good thing to do cause I could jump down the lake/river..and I could not swim at all... I would like to go to a higher places.. a hill or bukit mana2.. and yeah! I am acrophobian.. yawnn.... Jungle, town? Nah.. it cost too much..

The nearest I could go now is under the mango tree.... maybe I should stay under the mango tree longer today... sweat and doodle...  and apa2lah.... Tidur ke..

This is the moment when I am looking/watching at something but I can't see it... I keep on seeing something else as my mind is picturing something else... maybe projecting things from my head... kan?? Listening also not possible.. tutup mata dan buka kembali semoga imej yang diproject itu akan hilang... geleng kepala semoga ia terbang bersama peluh-peluh jantanku... (wah!)

How could I stay positive as usual??? OMG! susahnya... pada masa ni aku berasa agak iri hati kepada orang yang pekak, buta dan tidak berakal..  Pekak, tak perlu dengar apa-apa... Buta.. tak perlu lihat dan baca apa-apa, dan tidak berakal, tidak perlu memproses apa-apa pon walaupon nampak, dengar semua benda... Semua kejadian itu ada hikmahnya... Baik yang buta, pekak, bisu, gemuk, kurus, tinggi, hitam, putih, miskin, kaya, papa, dan sebagainya... Semuanya adalah penuh dengan hikmah dan dugaan... (Alhamdulillah.. menasihati diri sendiri jugak ni.. haish)... Walau apa keadaan sekalipon, ia adalah bentuk ujian kepada kita.. Jika kita susah, sejauh mana kita boleh bersabar dan bertahan Iman dari melakukan kemungkaran?? Apabila kita senang, dimanakah kita ketika itu?? Penuh lagha atau tetap bertakwa?? InsyaAllah, semua kita ada cara dan bahagian masing2..

Alhamdulillah... easier said than done... Jika melakukan itu semudah berkata-kata, maka hidup ini bukanlah hidup tetapi cerpen ataupon wayang... mengikut apa jua skrip dan jalan cerita yang dikehendaki.. sama ada sad atau happy ending...

Sabarlah Liza.. “Patience is the companion of wisdom.” but is she wise?? Na ah...